I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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