Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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