i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just had sex bonerless
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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