Cold hands, warm shart.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
