there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
