I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
