K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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