guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
