i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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