Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
