Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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