Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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