She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
