Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
