I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
