remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
