ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
