I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
