Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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