Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
