piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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