Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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