I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
