he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
