His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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