Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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