Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
