I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
