She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
