i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Bring me that man meat
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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