I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
