My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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