Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Enjoy the penises
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
