maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
