Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
