I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
