Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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