I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
