You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
