i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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