I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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