If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
