I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
