id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
