she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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