brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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