Best friends brother. Beat that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
