I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
