yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
