All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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