So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
