We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
