Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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