Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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