someone threw a dead crab at me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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