it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
