oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
