with your own penis?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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